Trusting God's Plan
Phillip Lindsay and Tom Hager
In partnership with Athletes For God
Long before I ever stepped foot on the Colorado campus, and way before fans were rushing Folsom Field in 2016, I remember sitting at my house in Denver pondering my future.
I was a senior in high school and my football career had just been turned upside down.
Recruitment had been a long and difficult process for me, but on this particular day I remember feeling like everything was finally coming back together. I had gone through a nasty knee injury during my senior season a few months before, putting my career at risk, but when CU assistant coach Jon Embree visited my house that day, I felt optimistic that my future was starting to take shape. As Jon said his goodbyes and headed back to Boulder, I knew I was going to be a Colorado Buffalo.
Twenty minutes later, not even halfway back to campus, Jon had been fired.
As I sympathized with what Jon and his family might be going through, my focus eventually shifted toward my future. Where was I going to get an education? How was I going to pay for it? Did anybody even want me on their football team? I was a scared 17-year-old staring at a life that had more questions than answers.
My life was filled with uncertainty, except for one thing - God had a plan for me.
Through all the mystery of what the next few years of my life held in store - and why all of this was happening - I never felt abandoned by God. I knew all along that this was part of His plan, but more importantly, that this was a test. He puts you through tests that He feels are necessary to make you become the man or woman that you need to become, and this was going to be part of my journey and my story. We go through these situations so we can figure out who we really are, and for me it meant that learning that life isn't all about me.
It's a beautiful lesson, but that doesn’t mean getting there is always easy or fun.
For much of my life, I was the guy people came to see on the football field. As I prepared for my senior season, I had a real chance to become the leading rusher in the history of Colorado High School football. I had rushed for 4,288 yards and 42 touchdowns in my first three seasons, and my final year was shaping up to be no different. Then, in one play, everything changed.
I didn't just hurt my knee - I blew my knee out. I had given my verbal commitment to Colorado, but that hardly meant they owed me anything. I knew that I would have to work hard to ever see a football field again, but if that ever happened it would be months or years away. In the meantime, my high school teammates were rallying around my injury and winning games. And at first I did not handle it well.
At times I felt lonely, and for the first time I felt vulnerable. To my siblings, I am this invincible athlete who can do no wrong. But now I'm questioning what I really have to offer, and the answer didn't feel very obvious to me. I can't even remember how many times I cried.
That's when God taught me one of his most important lessons - that it's not about me.
It was a long overdue lesson that I needed to learn. God is going to humble you - regardless of whether it's in football or life in general - you are going to be humbled at some point. But once we realize that we can't do everything on our own, we start to realize that we need God in our lives. He gives us these abilities to do great things, and He can take that away as fast as He has given it to us. God eventually did give me my abilities back, but not before allowing some of my teammates to shine.
With the focus no longer on me, a few of my teammates from Denver South High School were able to gain the spotlight and earn Division 1 scholarships. They reached the state championship in my absence, and I got to see how awesome it can be when players persevere through rough times.
It was a lesson I am glad I learned before I arrived in Boulder.
In the eight years before I showed up on campus, the Buffaloes had recorded losing seasons in all of them. Things didn't immediately turn around when I got there either, as we finished 2-10 my freshman year and then 4-9 my sophomore season. In both years were last in the Pac-12 South, making it seven straight years in which we finished either last or second to last in our division. I was tired of losing. All of us were.
This wasn't what any of us wanted when we signed our letters of intent. Colorado has historically been a great football school, with great tradition, and down the line the program had gotten off course. We all knew the journey we were undertaking when we decided to wear that black and gold jersey, and just because things weren't going according to plan, that didn't mean we were going to give up now.
The reason I stayed is the same reason I chose Colorado in the first place. I wanted to be able to bring greatness back to our state. I wanted to be able to help rebuild a program that once was great and put them back on top. I wanted people to be proud of me, a Colorado native who decided to stay through the hard times and the good times. That's what character is, that's what life is about.
As my junior season began, things started to turn around. We won our first two games of the season, and even though we lost our next game at Michigan, we bounced right back in the loudest road atmosphere I've ever been a part of. We were facing an Oregon team that had been in the national championship conversation for several years in a row, but going into the fourth quarter we only trailed 38-33. The biggest win of the season was within reach, and all those years of fighting through adversity were about to finally pay off. My teammate Bryce Bobo caught a one-handed touchdown pass to give us a 41-33 win, and now at 3-1 we were really on a roll.
With all the momentum on our side, we won six of our next seven games to give us a chance at winning the Pac-12 South. From the outside, everything looked like it was going our way, and life was starting to appear easy.
Little did people know just how difficult that season was for me.
My mother, was has been there with me through all of the ups and downs of my life, was hurting 24 hours a day.
She suffers from a muscular disease, and during that season it was taking a toll on her. She gets these calcium deposits in her nerves, and in order for her to move she has to break them. My mother continued to fight through the pain, but as the disease continued to progress she couldn't move her feet at all. She spent three months in the hospital, and because she got an infection in her foot, she nearly had to get it amputated. Whatever toughness God required from me to get through my knee injury, my mom showed twice as much strength and courage as me.
One Bible verse that applied to our situation is Jeremiah 29:11, which says “ 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' ”
When I read that verse, it's saying God already has a plan mapped out for us individually - it's a plan for us that at the beginning is going to be rough, but it's a plan for us to grow to understand each other, to understand life in general. It's not to harm you, it’s not to hurt you, but to build you up, to make you become a warrior.
That's exactly what my Mom is.
I dedicated that whole season to her, but the doctor ordered her not to come to my games because it was too dangerous. Any athlete can tell you that playing without your parents in attendance is really hard. Whenever I scored a touchdown, I knew she was watching on tv, but I couldn't look up in the stands and see her smile. But for the last home game of my career - with a chance to reach the Pac-12 Championship game - she broke the doctor’s orders.
She picked the right game to attend, because we beat a really good Utah team 27-22 to win the Pac-12 South division title. The fans rushed the field after the game, and in that moment Colorado football was back on top. Thanks to all the adversities God had put in my life, I also wasn't about to let our new-found success get to my head.
During my senior year at Colorado, I was able to recognize how much of an impact other people were having in my life. I remember I would come into the football facility at midnight, and the only people left in the building besides me were the custodians. And I started to realize the role they had in our program.
Our facility is pristine, and one of the reasons that recruits sign up to play here is because of how amazing everything looks. Do you think recruits are going to want to play at a school that has ragged facilities? Absolutely not.
That same mentality applied to my teammates as well. Coach Mike MacIntyre gave me an opportunity to be a captain, and I took advantage of that by making sure I took care of my teammates. As much as I would hold my teammates accountable when they needed to pick it up, I would never hesitate to tell them I love them. It's important to tell people that.
Fortunately, God gave me a platform to show that beyond our locker room. Midway through our season, in a home game against Arizona, our team was just firing on all cylinders. The receivers and offensive line were opening up big holes for me, and helped me run for 281 yards and three touchdowns. We lost the game 45-42, but afterwards the media relations staff was going to have me attend the post-game press conference to talk about my performance.
But I wasn't the only reason our offense put up those big numbers, and you don't win a division with one player. So I brought out the entire offensive line with me.
And when they tried to introduce as “Phillip Lindsay and the offensive line” and I responded with “The offensive line and Phillip Lindsay.”
It was those teammates who helped me rush for 1,474 yards and 14 touchdowns my senior year, but for some reason that wasn't enough to get me invited to the NFL Combine. I waited and waited for that invitation, and it just never came.
I know the reason I wasn't invited, and it's not because I had a bad year. It's because I'm 5'8 and 190 pounds.
Instead of looking at whether or not I can play football, people tried to view me as what I lack, which is a prototypical NFL body. But you know what? I love myself, and not ashamed of how God made me.
It is so frustrating to have people criticize you for something you can't help, but at the same time it has been exciting, because it was just another obstacle that I have to overcome. Kids need someone to look up to – someone to show them that your mentality matters more than your size – and I'm honored I am in this position.
Hopefully, by conquering those obstacles that are in front of me, I'm trying to show people that no matter how much someone tries to keep you down, if you're strong minded and you believe in God and you trust the process, it doesn't matter how much they hide you. Your talent and your character is going to come out.
At my Pro-day in Boulder, I did just that.
I ran a 4.39 40-yard dash, and I've put myself in a position to make an NFL roster this year. But even if the NFL doesn't work out, I've come way too far to be defeated now.
When I was growing up, money wasn't easy to come by. We didn't always have hot water, and I know what it's like to watch as your family struggles to pay the electricity bills. But we had two things...we had God, and we had family. With those two things, the Lindsay family has come a long way, and I’m definitely not about to stop my journey now.
If God has the NFL in my path, I can't wait to share my faith with a new group of teammates. And if God decides it's time for me to choose my other career path, which is to join the police force, I am ready for that as well.
Either way, I'm about to spread the love of God wherever I go.