Built When Broken
Holton Ahlers and Tom Hager
In partnership with Athletes For God
As I walked out of my class and down the hallway, I had a bad feeling of what I was about to hear.
It was my senior year of high school, and I had been called into the coaches’ office. I initially expected it to be just another visit, which wasn’t too uncommon during the season, but when I saw my parents and coach in the office, the apprehension I felt earlier was realized. Nothing prepares you for those moments, but as I looked around, I had a feeling my life was about to change for the worse.
That’s when I heard the news: my childhood best friend had just passed away.
This wasn’t something I could have anticipated. It wasn’t a medical issue where I could tell him all the things I wanted to say before he died. His passing came out of nowhere and left an immeasurable void in the joy and happiness of the many lives he touched and impacted.
Turner Shafer died on October 27, 2017 from a freak accident. In one moment, he was fine, with such a promising future ahead of him. In the next moment, he was gone.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t my first encounter with tragedy. He was the fourth person in my life who had died in the last two years. I lost my grandmother on my mother’s side to cancer, as well as two of my teammates from high school. My grandmother had lived a full life, spending her time on this Earth loving her family. But the deaths of my two teammates were sudden, unexpected and tragic.
Death is hard on anybody at any time, but it’s even harder when you don’t have a chance to say goodbye. Or even worse, to say I love you. I never got that chance with Turner, but I make it up to him every time I take the field at East Carolina University. My name is Holton Ahlers, the starting quarterback for the Pirates, and this is my story.
By the time I enrolled at ECU, I had already become an adult. Life had forced me to.
The deaths of two of my teammates at D.H. Conley High School had come within two months of each other. People looked to me for help and understanding during that time, and even though that wasn’t the type of leadership I had signed up for when I became the starting quarterback there, it was a role I knew I had to take on. This was the lowest point of people’s lives and they were looking to me for answers, while at the same time, I had questions of my own.
There was a brief period of time where I felt a little mad at God as to why this was happening. Turner and I were best friends growing up and it just didn’t make sense why he had to leave so soon. It was really my family who helped me out the most. They were the one who told me that Turner was in a better place, and that he wouldn’t want to come back here. Heaven is that amazing. He’s living all the things we’ve ever dreamed of here, or even things that are beyond our imagination.
They also helped me understand by telling me that if I was mad at God, I couldn’t talk to Turner because he is in heaven with God … those were probably the smartest words I had ever heard.
There were also two Bible verses that helped. Jeremiah 29:11 says “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” The other verse that helped me was Matthew 28:20 “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” God’s love for me didn’t stop the moment he took Turner to heaven. In fact, it will continue until the end of time. It’s such a profound verse that I got it tattooed on my right arm.
I decided to put mountains just behind the verse, because God is with you on the mountain top, and He’s also with you in the valleys. The circumstances in life don’t dictate the amount of love God has for us.
I also keep Turner close to me every game. As I get my wrists taped up, I write his initials on the tape and add a halo over it. The best part for me is that when I take the field at Dowdy-Ficklen Stadium, I have over 50,000 people cheering me on – many of whom know my background story. You see, not only are ECU fans some of the most passionate fans in the country, but many of them watched me grow up in Greenville, North Carolina - just a few miles from the stadium. When people wonder what homefield advantage looks like, I get to live it every day.
When I tell people that I grew up as an East Carolina fan, I truly mean it. We attended every single Pirates game here in Greenville and sat right in the corner between the press box and the end zone. When the team was on the road, we watched all of them on television. I would say I watched the games with my siblings and my parents, but that isn’t exactly accurate, because my dad was up in the press box. He is the public address announcer for the stadium.
I think a lot of P.A. announcers hope to develop a catch phrase that resonates with fans, and my dad was lucky enough to develop one. “Touchdown Pirates....Arrrgh!”
I just didn’t know if he was going to ever get to call any touchdowns for me, because I had the option of attending other schools. Programs with more championship banners and notoriety than ECU, like Minnesota, Georgia, and Florida. By signing day, I had limited my choice between the Pirates and NC State, but that still left me with one of the biggest decisions of my life. My friends and family packed into my high school gym to watch me, along with what seemed like every eye in the entire city, make my decision on signing day.
In front of me were two hats: one for NC State and one for East Carolina. I started off by thanking everybody for coming out to support me and encouraging them to support me no matter where I played. And then, just before grabbing the hat, I said the words that brought the crowd to a roar.
“Without further ado, I will be staying home at ECU.”
My decision was final - I was going to be a Pirate!
I was born in 1999, the same year Hurricane Floyd wreaked havoc on Greenville and the ECU campus. I wasn’t old enough to remember it, but I had heard the stories about how that team helped the community rebound from the storm, especially when they beat No. 9 Miami.
That game was supposed to be played here at Dowdy-Ficklen Stadium, but they had to move it to Raleigh because of flooding here. Beating the Hurricanes in that game was a metaphor for our community and showed that this campus and town were going to rebuild. That team went on to finish 9-3 and quarterback David Garrard became a star in the NFL.
I was also old enough to remember when ECU upset Virginia Tech in 2014, and what this town can be like when the team is on fire. Yes, the program has had some hard times in recent years, but I always wanted to be a Pirate. Besides, I’ve never been one to run away from a fire – I run into it.
I also had the intention of using my platform to inspire others. I knew I’d have a spotlight on me, and I wanted to use it to lead people to my Savior, Jesus.
When I committed to ECU, my goal was to be the next Tim Tebow. I didn’t know if that would mean winning a Heisman Trophy or winning a National Championship, but it did mean using my platform to glorify God.
When I was growing up, Tim Tebow was the athlete I looked up to. My parents had always encouraged me to go to church, but Tim Tebow made me want to pursue Jesus. He made Christianity cool for a generation of athletes, including myself. Plus, there were the similarities between Tim and I: he stayed home to play college and he was a lefty just like myself. What I didn’t realize was how soon I would be able to impact others.
I got that answer before long.
It looked like I might redshirt my freshman season, but after a season-opening loss to North Carolina A&T, I was given the chance to play in the next game. But this wasn’t just any other game ... this was a home game against North Carolina - a Power 5 team and an in-state rival. I wasn’t the starting quarterback in that game, but just like Tebow, I tried to use my legs to make an impact. I was fortunate enough to rush for two touchdowns against the Tar Heels, and midway through the season I was named the starting quarterback. Fans started to take notice of who I was, especially younger ones.
It is very humbling to me when I have the opportunity to meet kids around town who say I’m their favorite player, wear my number or even have my photo as their wallpaper. Not only is it important to be a good role model in this community, and I take that responsibility seriously, it also allows me to both give back and pay it forward.
My favorite Pirate growing up was Shane Carden and I can’t imagine how excited I would have been to just hang out with him - or Tim Tebow - for that matter, nonetheless hear words of encouragement and faith from someone who had reached a level I was aspiring to be.
I tell people all the time that I feel like I’m in a dream here ... I’m still just me, still just a normal guy. I just happened to be the quarterback of the university. But with that being said, I know there are a lot of people who wish they could be starting here and I’m very fortunate to have this platform. I tell people all the time that I’m the luckiest kid in the world.
But my story isn’t just a fairytale - there’s been some hardships on the field too. Our team went 3-9 in 2018 and followed it up with a 4-8 record this past season. In one stretch of 18 games, we lost 14 of them. Of course, that didn’t mean we gave up on our season. We knew we were on the verge of breaking through. Late in the year, we had played back-to-back ranked teams in Cincinnati and SMU, and gave both of them a fight. Cincinnati needed a kick in the final seconds to beat us by 3, while SMU outscored us 59-51 in a shootout.
We just had to push that much harder and use the adversity we were all experiencing together as the next step in unifying and defining us as a program rebuilding itself into the one that I watched as a kid.
With the score tied in the fourth quarter of our last road game of the season at UConn, I threw an interception that could easily have been another ‘here we go again’ moment, but instead we held strong. After our defense forced a field goal attempt that sailed wide left, I gathered around my teammates for our final drive of the game and told them it was time for us to step up and do it.
Sure enough, we began to march our way downfield never needing a third-down play to score the go-ahead touchdown with just over three minutes to go. To their credit, the Huskies tried to rally with a score of their own, reaching our 5-yard line with 8 seconds to play before teammate Colby Gore intercepted the ball at the goal line. We had finally broken the losing streak and had something to build on over the offseason.
As we build our program back, I hope that when others see me, either up close or from afar, they see a kid who is passionate about everything he does in life, on and off the field. And, that when they see me, they see Christ.